The Leader

Issue date: 11/13/08 Section: Opinion

Recently, there's been talk of a Led Zeppelin reunion tour. Robert Plant has steadfastly maintained that he has "no intention whatsoever of touring with anyone for at least the next two years," according to Billboard Magazine. With Plant at age 60, that sounds as good as a retirement announcement as any. Audiences should be glad to not have to see another geriatric rocker hobble across the stage. Apparently, Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones don't agree and have tapped Alter Bridge front man Myles Kennedy to take the mic. Kennedy has apparently been rehearsing with Page and Jones as well as drummer Jason Bonham, who has taken the place of his father John.

If you're asking yourself, who the hell is Myles Kennedy, don't worry, you're not alone. Kennedy has been performing with Scott Stapp's rejects, the band formerly famous as Creed, retooled and renamed as Alter Bridge. They're really not half bad. But there's no way that he is qualified or talented enough to usurp Plant's legendary onstage persona. Billboard suggests that if Kennedy were to tour with Zeppelin, it would free up his former bandmates to pursue a successful (i.e. lucrative) reunion tour as the reassembled Creed. This might come as news to some that Creed had ever broken up. Some speculated that Stapp simply found out that he wasn't actually Jesus and packed it on back to North Carolina. A Creed reunion tour? Yesh.

But here's an idea: let's just have revolving memberships in bands. Like temporary-worker visas. Tommy Lee could play with Rush one night, and then be replaced by Max Weinberg, who'd spend the previous month pounding the skins for Alice Cooper, the next. Ted Nugent might fill in for the Steve Perry-less Journey for a few shows. Then, maybe Eddie Vedder could sing for Poison to free up Bret Michaels, who can go front Lynryd Skynyrd. The possibilities are endless, the results horrendous. Who would be your most unsavory musical collaboration? How about John Mayer trying to sit in with Ween? Dear Lord!

We must put an end to this before the classic rock we've come to know turns into just a newer version of Rock Band. Sure, it'd be cool to be able to say you saw Zeppelin, but really, you didn't. You only saw the half-assed, redacted version without the original drummer or lead singer. Who the hell wants that? That becomes the danger when you mix-and-match musicians; it sounds an awful lot like the original but usually, it just sounds awful. Zeppelin without Plant is not Zeppelin. Guns 'n' Roses without Axel is not GNR. The band is the people who made it, not the songs they play or the name they play under. Something about lipstick on a pig.

Plant may need to reconsider the offer of the reunion tour. If he doesn't hit the road, the consequences may be dire. He might be responsible for unleashing a stable of wholly mediocre bands, not just Creed, back into the theaters and clubs where we'll recognize them only by name.

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