It’s a job, sometimes a messy job, but always a tiring job. Let’s be practical, jobs aren’t meant to be fun so why would a blowjob prove to be any different? In the words of an elderly (and inebriated) gentleman I passed while trotting down Maryland Ave. one night several years ago, “if you don’t enjoy it-you’re not doing it right.”
While that may have been the problem for my sexually inexperienced self three years ago, my recently acquired oral pleasuring skills cannot be to blame for my reluctant attitude toward the blowjob. And when I say reluctance I don’t mean refusal. I simply mean that squeamish feeling that comes about at the thought of having to go down, strain my already temporomandibular joint ridden jaw and then be judged on my performance. Am I just a gal who’s trying to protect her jaw or a wimp with a severe case of performance anxiety?
Ok so I lied. Sometimes reluctance does mean refusal. A certain stallion (and for the record the term “stallion” is my general word for an attractive man or sometimes just an average looking man, depending on if I’m feeling flirtatious and how many vodka lemonades I’ve had) I know who has been a friend and sometimes even more than a friend of mine for a few years now has been asking, no- begging, for a blowjob since before I can remember.
While my reasons for declining to do so have changed over the years (I don’t know how, I’m afraid, you’re not my boyfriend, I’d rather just have sex, etc.) my answer has always stayed the same and yet he never forgets to ask. Three years ago it was slightly understandable, yet irritating, because let’s face it, making out is fun for about four minutes before people start to get anxious or in my case bored. Three years later our sexual deviance has escalated into enjoyable and rather experimental sex, so I wonder why the absence of a blowjob is still something worth mentioning.
What is it about the blowjob that turns grown men into eager beavers? Is it the sense of control and domination they feel knowing that us gals are down there on our knees trying desperately hard not to gag, or does it really feel that much better than sex? Isn’t a blowjob meant to be a simulation of sex anyway? And why is it that men think they are so deserving of this? Because let’s face it, most men’s oral pleasuring skills leave one thing to be desired: my orgasm.
So hey... if you wanna threaten me with the whole, “then I’m not gonna go down on you” spiel go right ahead (surprisingly I have yet to be threatened with this) because my gut tells me I wouldn’t be missing out on too much anyway. Not to mention it would save me the energy of faking an orgasm (which by the way, has proved to be more tiring than actually having one-just a heads up). Gee, no one going down seems like a win-win situation to me. You say blowjob, I say no job, let’s call the whole thing off.
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